


Don't Be So Vanilla

by whointheheck



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Adam's Delicate Sensibilities, Barbara 2.0, Beetlejuice being a creep, Beetlejuice returns, F/M, M/M, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sort Of, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism, an inappropriate use of a crafts project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 13:16:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whointheheck/pseuds/whointheheck
Summary: Barbara didn't know why Adam had gotten back into woodworking, but she wasn't going to complain about it.





	Don't Be So Vanilla

**Author's Note:**

> i saw the beetlejuice musical this weekend and all i can think about is raunchy smut. enjoy!

Ever since they'd started sharing the house with the Deetz, they'd been attempting to renovate the attic. It had been fun tossing and breaking old things from their now past lives. Barbara had been most happy to destroy those stupid jugs that she'd never even planned to use. She had plenty of time to discover what she wanted to do in her new afterlife, and so did Adam.

So that was why Barbara didn't really understand _ why _ Adam took back up woodworking, but she wasn't going to complain about it.

Besides, now that they weren't running from the impending doom of parenthood, Barbara could kick back and relax on their brand new couch while Adam rolled his sleeves up and got to work. There was something inherently charming about the flecks of paint on his hands from when he detailed a tiny house for his new project. Barbara liked to take in the way her husband would lean over the large decorated table to add another tiny tree or stop sign. She didn't know if it was his cute tush in those beige pants or the way he pressed his tongue into the corner of his mouth while he concentrated, but watching Adam work was alarmingly sexy.

She didn't remember having this much fun when he was working on the crib, but then again the haunting fear of babies might have put a damper on the firm muscles that were Adam's forearms. And boy, they sure did look like nice forearms. 

Barbara remembered fondly of the time when they had christened the house and with Adam holding her legs up while canoodling on the kitchen counter.

Just the thought had Barbara's face flush with heat and she bit her lip, considering. She'd been attempting to read over the Book of the Recently Deceased, but she was getting nowhere with it's dry text. And Adam been working on that project _ all _ day. He shouldn't mind her interrupting him now. 

"Finishing up?" Barbara asked.

"Oh!" Adam stood back a little from his project. His new glasses he'd created were already endearingly askew as they hung low on his nose. "Just about. Lydia should be home from school soon."

Barbara stood up and patted her dress. "She's volunteering, remember? That Earth Club is planting flowers at the school…" Lydia has gotten into extracurriculars as a suggestion from her therapist. While she was making great growth and was excelling in school, Lydia still had trouble branching out when it came to other kids. This was the one solution that seemed to be the least mind-numbingly dull for her. 

"Oh, right." Adam deflated before bouncing back. "What about Charles and Delia? We could have another game night."

"Nope." Barbara shook her head as she walked over. She glanced down curiously at the table to notice that it was only halfway down. While one side laid blank, the other held the local stores and even the graveyard. She smiled sadly when she noticed two tombs meant just for them. "Charles has meetings that are going to run late and Delia said something about being busy with work." With her friend Otho dead, she'd been taking care of most of his old clients.

Adam sighed. "Darn… "

"Bored of me already?" Barbara asked as she leaned against his chest.

"Of course not." Adam said immediately. It warmed her heart. "It's just… they're out there living their lives and meanwhile we're stuck here for an eternity. Gets a little dry, you know?" He chuckled, albeit nervously as his arms wrapped around her waist.

"It's not so bad." Barbara said with a telling lilt in her tone. Her fingers played with his plaid collar now that she was up so close. "It's been so long since we've been here all alone. I'm sure we'll think of _ something _ to pass the time…"

Adam's brows rose over his glasses frames before his eyes shone in answering glee. His arms tightened to pull her closer. "What did you have in mind?"

"_ Well _, I was just thinking about we never did make it to the attic when we were christening the house." She smiled at his quick intake of breath. "We filled it up too fast with all that old junk first before we really had a chance to have our way around here."

"I see." Adam smirked. He turned his head to-and-fro dramatically to look around that had Barbara giggle. "Doesn't look so cluttered now…"

"My thoughts exactly." Barbara grinned.

Adam met her with a dizzying kiss. They startled one another with the coldness of their tongues pressing into the insides of each other's their mouths. They hadn't exactly gone this far yet in ghost form. Too much time spent with the Deetz, too much time learning other things that required all of their clothing.

_ Boring! _ Barbara heard in her head in a too familiar voice.

Adam's hands reached to ruck up the skirt of her dress so she could easily hop on top of him. Barbara smiled into the kiss as Adam easily caught her, his strong arms holding her up with little effort. "Oh, God…"

Her husband sighed and quickly moved to pay further attention to her neck and collarbone. Barbara let out a shaky laugh while her fingers threaded through the nape of Adam's neck. Adam sat her down on the bare side of the table after he gave her behind a tender squeeze. 

They each went to tug off her dress haphazardly before taking care of of Adam's belt. Definitely too many clothes. 

"Are you sure?" She asked after pushing back her hair that'd gotten into her face. She grabbed at the buttons on his plaid shirt and yanked them open. "Right here?"

Adam threw down his glasses and grinned. "Can't think of a better place."

She helped him shrug off his shirt excitedly. "We're so _ bad _." Barbara laughed and then moaned while Adam palmed her through her bra. There wasn't much clothes or talking after that didn't involve Barbara running her hands over Adam's back to leave goosebumps. 

Barbara knew Adam liked when she whispered, "_ fuck me, _" rough in his ear because debauchery turned her husband on like no other. Especially when it came from her mouth. She swore as he did exactly just as she'd demanded, fucking her in earnest until Barbara's back arched. Her hand reached back wildly to hold onto the table. 

"Yes, Adam!" She cried.

Adam gripped tighter onto her waist while his lips dragged over the junction of her neck and shoulder. Barbara turned her head to the side to let him get more access. She tightened her legs around his waist, one of her heels digging into his lower back to keep him coming back to her. As Adam rocked into her, Barbara's eyes opened blearily and noticed across the tiny buildings she found eyes staring at her heatedly from the miniature graveyard. 

"Beetlejuice!" Barbara gasped out in shock. 

To her disgust, a sharp pang of arousal in her lower abdomen came from the demon's hungry leer. How long could he have been there watching them like this? Had he shown up before or after Adam had rubbed the length of his cock over her slit before slowly pushing inside her? Had Beetlejuice been watching while Barbara mewled as Adam circled her taut nipple with his cool tongue? Barbara's face flushed a dark red and she couldn't tell if it was from excitement or shame. She quickly clutched onto Adam's shoulder to try and catch her steadily derailing mind.

"What?" Adam grunted. He drove deeper inside of her.

"Beetlejuice!" She called out in both pleasure and dread. Her nails dug into Adam's skin to gain his attention, but then the sick bastard spoke.

"Wow." Beetlejuice's beady eyes were delighted with mischievous glee, a big grin framing his crooked teeth. "You guys really put on a show."

Adam scrambled mid-pull back and jutted forward sharply in such a way that Barbara saw stars, hitting her with a shuddering orgasm like a punch to the stomach. 

"_ Beetlejuice! _" The Maitlands shouted at once, anger and jittery arousal all at once. 

"I didn't know you had it in you, A-Dog." Beetlejuice drawled as he leaned against a gravestone that Barbara was positive Adam didn't make since it had the demon's name with neon signs. He'd never make something so wildly flashy and tacky.

"How did you get in here?!" Adam demanded. He clung on to cover her body as much as he could.

Barbara hid her head onto his shoulder to try and catch her breath. 

"Wh- why are you even here? You _ left! _"

"Oh, don't stop on my account." Beetlejuice drawled. "You didn't even come yet, big fella."

Barbara shivered and clenched her eyes shut. Between her legs was very wet and incredibly sensitive. 

"Get out!" Adam snapped.

Beetlejuice ignored him. "Barbara certainly did. Great O face by the way, B-Town!" He said lecherously. "He really must have hit the sweet spot, huh? And he didn't even need his glasses!"

It was wrong and so weird to be turned on by this, Barbara tried to reason with herself. Not having sex in such a long time must have made her a little depraved.

"You--! You--!" Adam stiffened in anger. 

That was the only thing that was stiff, Barbara realized through the haze of shame and lust. Inside her, Adam hadn't flagged at all. She quietly moved her hips, her brows raising when he held tighter onto her to hold her still. _ He likes it too. _ Barbara realized and she suddenly didn't feel so crazy after all.

"Finish." Barbara whispered to him. She knew his face was burning, flummoxed. 

"What?" Adam sputtered. "But, Barbara-"

"You didn't come yet." Barbara interrupted and received Beetlejuice's answering cackle. She dug her heel into his lower back again. 

"Listen to the woman." Beetlejuice's voice turned even more gravely, each word tense with excitement. "You can't quit balls deep, Adam, literally for fuck's sake!"

Adam scowled. His thumb ran over her side hesitantly. 

Barbara looked up at him, seeing the way Adam pressed his tongue against the side of his cheek. She quickly reached her hand up to make him catch her gaze with his unsure one.

"I want to feel you come inside me." Barbara whispered. His mouth sagged open, that familiar glazed look meeting her own. "And I want that son of a bitch to watch…"

Adam swallowed. 

For once Beetlejuice was quiet. Barbara flicked her eyes towards the demon who was almost falling off the gravestone. He looked worse than Adam, the way his tongue was just threatening to wag. She could hear the little puffs of his ragged breathing. 

Adam shivered as he slowly pulled out and _ out _ until just the tip remained inside of her.

Barbara smirked at Beetlejuice's widening eyes.

"Enjoy blue balls." Barbara taunted just as Adam thrust forward swiftly. 

The filthy sound of skin slapping against each other made Beetlejuice let out a low gravelly groan. 

Adam tucked his head back to her throat and continued to rock inside her. She answered each with the squeeze of her inner walls, pushing her hips up to meet him.

"Atta boy, Adam." Beetlejuice grunted. His knuckles were white onto the stone as he pressed hard onto the stone to relieve his own tension. "Use that big dick of yours. Come on, come on."

"Jesus," Adam whimpered. He gripped the back of Barbara's left knee to push her leg up for a better angle. And for Beetlejuice, an even better view.

"Yes!" Barbara let her head fall back and she let herself get lost in the comforting weight of Adam on top of her, and the wheezing breaths of the two men both high and keening.

Beetlejuice started to whine. "You can't just leave me out like this! No fair! Let me in the ring!" 

Barbara knew this would happen. "Nuh-Uh." She chimed teasingly through each breath. "Gimme gimme never gets."

Adam chuckled against her shoulder and then started to lose rhythm.

"No, no!" There was the sound of a _ poof _ and the table freaked ominously from the too much shared weight before the regular sized demon hopped off it and rushed to stand on the side that Barbara's head lay.

The disturbance had Adam sit up.

"Hey!" Barbara yelped. 

There shadows stood over her. Beetlejuice grabbed the back of Adam's head with both hands and drove his tongue inside of Adam's waiting mouth. 

A muffled moan escaped from Adam as Beetlejuice bit down hard on his lower lip. 

"What the hell!" Barbara jumped when a random hands appeared from Beetlejuice's sides and fondled her breasts.

"Oh, God…" Adam whimpered, overwhelmed. 

"You bastard." Barbara breathed and moaned when one of those extra hands smacked her tit. 

Adam seized a tight hold onto her hair and grinded his orgasm into her. The hard jerky stabs of his cock hit just the right places and she soon followed him with a howl. 

Even after Adam had slowed, Barbara could still hear the sounds of soft sighs and whispered moans from atop her. Adam's cock twitch inside of her and Barbara wondered curiously about the change of stamina now in a ghost form while she caught her breath.

"_ Mmm _ ," Beetlejuice distractedly hummed as he ravished Adam's mouth. The demon never used tongue with _ her _ now that she thought about it. That had always been reserved for Adam even when he'd tricked both of them into kissing him when they'd first met. Hmm.

"Um, guys?" Barbara said. She moved her head to the side once she realized it was brushing against Beetlejuice's bulge.

Adam pulled away, albeit reluctantly from Beetlejuice nibbling his lower lip until he released with a pop. 

They both looked down at her bleary-eyed. The extra hands were still pinching at her nipples.

"Hi." She said, realizing she didn't have anything better to say. Well, this was much more odd now that the sinful delirium that was lust had started to dissipate.

It was quiet for a second.

"Well." Adam coughed and turned his head away, blushing again. "That was certainly new for us, I'd say..." 

"You guys want to take this to an actual bed?" Beetlejuice asked abruptly. "Not that I'm not digging the choice, but things are going to get a whole lot crazier when I get involved and I need room to perform."

"Who said there's going to be a next time?" Barbara asked. She batted away the groping hands and did what she could to sit up. 

"What?" Beetlejuice pouted. "Come on, don't be like that! Do you know how much kinky shit I get into on a regular basis? I could change your whole world with just my pinky!"

Adam gave a curious frown, but held his tongue from asking what in the heck _ that _meant. He pulled out of her and the after come preceded to fade right then and there. A promising effect. “We didn’t exactly invite you to join. You kind of appeared like you always do.”

“But, that’s the best thing about me!” Beetlejuice interjected with a grin. “I’m like a hot sexy landmine and the world is an army truck filled with soldiers just wishing they can make it home.”

Adam gaped. “Beetlejuice, that is terrible.”

Tired of being talked around, Barbara scooted forward so Adam moved back. His face reddened further and he went to cover his private parts with his hands as if they hadn’t just went bareback in front of the other ghost a few moments ago. 

That didn’t stop Beetlejuice from his eyes lowering anyway or even the low whistle that escaped his mouth.

“Cut it out.” Barbara chided and quickly pulled on her clothes, slipping on her undergarments. “Adam, put some pants on.”

“Working on it.” Adam sighed. He hesitated before attempting a duck walk across the room towards his fallen dockers. 

Barbara had just finished patting down her dress when she noticed the pinched expression on Beetlejuice’s face that made her stomach plummet beneath her confident veneer. Maybe it was a bad idea to taunt a demon straight from hell that has crazy possession powers straight up the wazoo. 

But then the look vanished and Beetlejuice shrugged with a lazy grin. “Fine! Your lost, you bunch of losers! I can get my ass eaten anywhere.”

Adam made a noise veering between disturbed alarm and maidenly disgust.

“In fact…” Beetlejuice rubbed his hand together with a chuckle and poofed before there eyes back down to the model of the town. To their awe, a building that gleamed in neon red and was covered with what appeared to be demon hookers had formed. Little Beetlejuice danced right towards it happily.

“B-Beetlejuice!” Adam shouted, hastily pulling up his zipper before he stormed over. “My project is not your playpen!”

Downstairs the front door opened and shut. 

“Hello! Ghost family!” Delia called from below. Her meeting must have been cut short. “I’ve returned home and I come in peace!"

Barbara gave a fond sigh and glanced back at Adam who was giving a very grandfatherly shake of his fist at the table. She didn’t know why Beetlejuice had returned or even how long he’d even stay around this time, but Barbara had a feeling that things would be different. Much different.

Barbara floated towards the door, ignoring the high-pitched chuckles as she called, “I’m coming!”


End file.
